Sacrifice

So, I have been thinking about sacrifice. In life we sacrifice a lot of things. Some things are not really a sacrifice, but to us, we could consider it so. Like we may feel like we sacrifice having pizza to not ruin our diet.

One big sacrifice we have as mothers is giving birth to our children. We sacrifice our bodies (oh those lovely stretch marks). We get the closest to dying by giving birth. Then the babies are here and we sacrifice our sleep and time. Because we love our children with every cell in our body, it does not feel like a sacrifice. Well -- I take that back because there are times when those cute little ones are being not so cute and we feel the sacrifice. But underneath all that, we love them and would die for them. Hmmm -- so another sacrifice -- one I hope no one I know ever has to make, and that is if one actually had to choose to die for their child. Not a good pathway of thinking, so changing subject . . . .

Michelle Christensen sacrificed a kidney for her husband Martin. That is quite the love story. He being married before and his first wife dying. Michelle and he getting married. He having lots of family, but it ends up that she is the one that is the perfect donor match for him. She sacrificed a healthy part of her body to let him live because she loved him. She is the one having the most trouble with the surgery and her body having to get used to only one kidney. He is thriving. But it has brought them closer together.

So -- Jesus sacrificed for us. He paid for our sins in the Garden of Gethsamane and then offered up his body to death for our resurrection. But then He left. I guess what I am trying to figure out is this: when someone sacrifices something, that thing they sacrificed is dead. Let me explain how I get to this: We are on a diet and we sacrifice food. If the sacrifice is successful, then the heavy person that we are is sacrificed and gone. As mom's, we sacrifice our bodies and then sacrifice our needs (I get those are mostly selfish needs) but still, we sacrifice our wants (lets change to wants) to raise those children. The person we would be without children is sacrificed. But, then our children grow up and (if all goes according to plan) they leave. So the sacrifice is over. Still a leaving. A death of something because of sacrifice.

How about others in our lives? We may sacrifice for a friend, our time, energy, talents. Maybe our wants and desires to help that friend out (visiting teaching often hits this because I swear when you are called to take in a meal it is always at the least convenient time) are sacrificed. Then where does that go? Does it go to a death of something? The person that was before the sacrifice is gone, because the person who sacrificed has now come into being. That changes things.

After Christ sacrificed for us, he became a resurrected being. Now, we are all far from being like him (man -- especially me) but He left. I know we say He is always with us, but He still left the earth. He left his disciples. He went on to other things. Yet, He did this for us, and He became better for it. But He was also changed. So -- how does this apply to us? We sacrifice and hopefully those sacrifices are for worthy things. But it changes us. Hopefully for the better. But, with sacrifice there is a change. The question is can we live with the change? I suspect that if it is a true sacrifice, it will hurt a bit. It will change our heart and mind. It will knock off some of those rough edges (the corners off the square to make a circle). However, it changes things.

I don't know if we can see right away what it changes. It may take time -- or we may even need to wait until the next life to see. But I know that sacrifice hurts. It is not an easy thing. And it changes things.

We are asked to sacrifice our time, talents, and all that we have for building up the kingdom of God. Sometimes it is easy. Sometimes it is hard. Those callings that we get that we don't like (OK, for me it is usually scouting) are a sacrifice for the church. But those are almost temporal sacrifices. We are not required to be the best scout leader in order to obtain Celestial glory. However, our attitude -- our willingness to sacrifice for something the Lord has asked us to do, is required because it is Obedience that is required. So it does take sacrifice and obedience to have that change of heart. But may I focus on that word "change". We must "change" and become different. In the Book of Mormon it talks about becoming a new creature. But that is a whole lesson in and of itself.

So, in order to change who we are, we must sacrifice. But there is a realization. It changes things. So be prepared for that change -- especially since so many people have a hard time with changes. We cling to what we know or we cling to what we want or we cling to our sins. We don't want to sacrifice and change. It hurts. So set your sights on the good things in the world and sacrifice for that. Sacrifice for the ones you love. Sacrifice for what God asks you to do in your church callings. Sacrifice for things that are (insert 13th article of faith here) virtuous, lovely, praiseworthy because we seek after those things. Just always, always, always, expect a change.

Today

I learned about personal revelation today. It is the most important thing you can get in this life. I have learned this before, but I needed to hear it again and once again realize how important it is. There are the basic things we need to enter the gate -- (4th article of faith) faith, repentance, baptism, holy ghost. But that is only the 1st gate. In order to become part of the church of God (that is not what it is called, but I cannot remember for the life of me what it really is called) we must meet Jesus there at the gate to enter that. That is where your calling and election is made sure. Callings and elections are all part of the process -- we will eventually have to have it either here or in the next life. We live our lives with our eyes single to the Glory of God and doing what we should, and it can come to us. Callings and elections are made known to us either by a blessing (example Patriarichal blessing or just a blessing) in the temple, or by personal revelation. We are justified by Christ, then sanctified. This I know -- it is vitally important to know for ourselves (and teach our children) exactly what personal revelation is. It is important for us to have it so we can know what we must do in this earth life. Now -- can we get personal revelation for others? What has been taught is that if we have a stewardship over them, we can. But, we then must also have the revelation on whether to even tell them about that revelation. It may be something they have to come to an understanding all on their own.

Another thing that I have been learning is how important it is to recognize that each individual on this earth life must walk their own path. We can support, cheer, encourage, uplift, but the ultimate decisions on what they will do and be is up to them. That is the whole purpose of Free Agency. That is the biggest gift Heaveny Father gave us (next to His Son, Jesus Christ). But people's choices - especially the ones we do not agree with -- is just that -- Their Choice. They must live with the consequences. It is hard to see someone we love making bad choices. It is hard to see people around us making stupid choices. But, we CANNOT be judgemental. That is the Lord's job. All we can do is love them -- which is OUR job.

As I have looked back on my life, I have been critical of what I termed "stupid people". I have just begun to realize that I should never have judged them. I never walked in their shoes. I may think I have and I may project what I think and feel on to them, but when all is said and done, it is the Lord's job to judge them on what they know. Only He can see what is in their hearts. I have much repenting to do. I feel that I also was a bad example to others in this area. Critical is not a thing of Heavenly Father. It is so easy to do though. The general authorities have warned against criticism. It tears the person down who criticizes and also tears down the person you are criticizing. Where is the charity in that? Where is the pure love of God in that? Even if they are doing something stupid, or something they know they should not do, we have to love and leave it be in God's hands. Something easy to type, something not so easy to do. However, I am learning this and focusing on when I start to do this, and I try to stop. Just another thing of my mellowing out a bit in this time of my life.

Another thing I am

I remembered one thing today that I am. I think right now I am NOT living it, but I have been it and I see I can be it again. I am a good listener. I can listen to people and empathize with them. It has drawn people to me in the past. Right now I am just a big blabber mouth, but as I quit my floating around and changing it will begin again.

Lessons learned on Sunday 1/29

We had Brother William Walker come to the 5th Sunday today to teach about temples. He is the head of the temple department for the whole church. He opened it up to ask questions. It mostly followed about the actual temple sites and why they were picked. Here are some quick interesting facts:

1. The temple in Star Valley was decided to be built before they had purchased the land. They were deciding if they were going to announce it, but decided to. The prophet (I think it was him) said to announce it and see if anyone would donate land. They announced it and have had lots of people to donate land. Even 2 brothers who are both 70 who own a large ranch told them they would like to donate it, the church could tear down the houses and they would find somewhere to live. There have been quite a few people who have offered to donate land from their ranches. They have to sort them through still and decide the perfect place.

2. Another story he spoke about (I asked him to share any spiritual experiences he had working with the temples) and he spoke about the prophet. He shared a story about how they were dedicating a temple (I forgot which one) and it was 3 sessions a day for like 5 days. It was very tiring for them. (By the way, they are not going to do so many anymore and just have people go to stake centers and do feeds). The prophet would walk back to the temple presidents office in between dedications to rest for a couple of hours. As he left to go back, the people in the temple would be waiting for him to leave and as he passed by the rooms he would wave to them. In one room in particular, there was an older lady in a wheelchair turned backwards, twisted around trying to see him. He saw her, went into the room, shook her hand kissed her forehead and made her feel loved. Bro. Walker said that he has seen the prophet time and time again look for the individual. He said that the group is there, but the prophet looks for the low in heart, or the sick, or the lonely. He reaches out to them. He said that everyone should read the autobiography that was written because it has a lot in there about how President Monson is.

3. He spoke quite a bit about the Honduras Temple. He said that the church had some land, and it was next to a Catholic church. The people around it were throwing a fit having a temple being built there. Some church authority (can't remember who) was told to go visit the Catholic arch bishop. Bro. Walker told him that he could but the answer from the catholic would be "If it were up to me I would be fine with it, but it is all the people around me." The church official went and talked to the catholic and it was as Bro. Walker said. So the church official then asked if they were able to find land in the city that was not next to the catholic church if there would be opposition to it all. The catholic said "no". So the church found some land in another area of the city to build the temple, and it is a better place. So the moral of the story (Bro. Walker said) is that the catholics helped to make sure the temple was in the right place. (This was all under a question about how temple sites were chosen.)

4. Also in Honduras, a man came up to the prophet and said he wanted to make a donation to the temple building. He handed the prophet an envelope. The prophet put it in his pocket and then looked at it later. It was a check for $1,000,000 in american dollars. The prophet was then told this same gentlemen had donated another $1,000,000 for the other temple down there. The prophet had this statement to make: THE CHURCH IS FULL OF PEOPLE WHO WOULD DO THIS IF THEY HAD THE MEANS. There are many, many good people in this church.

5. The Payson temple and the Gilbert Az. temple had the land donated by members of the church.

It is now a week later, so I am just going to post what I have today. :)

Something I learned about myself

I am going through what many call "mid-life crisis". I call it the self-identity crisis. I have never in my life known such a thing really existed. I just always thought it was a bunch of jokes. But after being into it for 3 months and trying to figure out why I had suddenly turned crazy -- I get it. Maybe I will explain more one day, but one thing I know I need to do is get out my thoughts and feelings out with this. I learn some new wisdom everyday. What is funny is I suspect I have always known these things, but now they are like new to me. I see things with different eyes - or rather - a different perspective! So, after more soul searching last night, I came to the conclusion that one of the things I KNOW about myself is I am a "builder". I believe in building people. What I mean by this is I believe it is our duty as human beings, as sisters in the gospel, to build each other up. I like building people up. I like supporting them in their endeavors. I like building up their self-esteem. I like seeing joy in faces of people who have been given a good compliment, or have felt that someone is seeing the good in them. Now I am not naive. I realize there is good and bad in all. But I know it is important to meet people where they are at. That means to see where they are coming from and have an understanding of that. My patriarchal blessing says I will be able to know peoples needs and attitudes. Taking the time to understand someone makes all the difference in your relationship with them. Knowing where they are coming from helps you feel compassion for them. Now - you may not agree with them - but if you understand their thought processes or how they got to where they are - there is a great feeling of love for them. That is how Heavenly Father works. Since he knows our thoughts and the intentions of our hearts.; since He knows where we have come from and how the different situations that arise in our lives impact us; since He knows where are true desires lie; since He knows all about us, He IS ABLE TO LOVE US UNCONDITIONALLY. He knows what we can become. He works on us to knock off those sharp corners to make round edges and have us smooth and round like an eternal circle. (see temple symbols). If we are to become like Him, we must also take the time and have the desire to really love people. Not just on a generic level, but a true, unselfish love. And to do that, we must understand where they are coming from. It is like my favorite example of 4 people seeing the same car accident, but each one writing down a different version because of where they were standing when they saw it happening. It is the same accident, and each one is right because of their perspective on it. We must look at their perspective and then have charity towards them. For without charity we are nothing. So -- that being the case -- we must then be builders of each other. If we are critical or angry or hurtful that is totally against the nature of God and ultimately against our own nature. The plan was to come here on earth to gain a body and learn for ourselves what our true nature is (thus the veil). We don't have to prove to God who we are because He already knows. However, we must prove it to ourselves. And we have all the tools we need to do this. God did not leave us empty handed. But, we have to make a conscientious choice to do this and not just flit from emotion to emotion. We must have control over our appetites and passions (anger, criticism, judgmental, etc.) And we were not sent here to be alone. We are not all on our own island getting that body and figuring out who we are. We are intertwined with all humanity. And that involves our interactions with each other. The people that I see as angry or critical or so so so unhappy! They think they are better when they criticize. I see them as having a low self-esteem so they must step on others (criticize) to lift themselves up. I see them as judging others because that makes them feel they are in a higher position to judge -- therefore lifting themselves up. If the need to be lifted up is so great, they must not feel good about themselves. So they have fallen into the trap of Satan's or do not have a knowledge that they are a son/daughter of God. They do not understand all that implies. They do not realize how glorious they are.

All these thoughts mushed together - hopefully they make sense. But if not, they are out of my head.

But the reason I began was to state again - I am a builder. I realize the importance of knowing who a person is. I realize it is important for that person to also realize who they are. In order to do that you must show respect to that person. You must understand where they are coming from. And you must try to help them to become a better person.

This must not be mistaken for going into "fix it" mode. That is something different entirely. But a builder is someone who sees you for who you are, loves to see what you can become, and loves you unconditionally and with that love is positive and kind and gentle with you. Does not tear you down with judgments, criticisms, hateful words, snide remarks, or selfishness. So, the challenge here is to take a look at those you are the closest to and be a builder to them --EVEN WHEN THEY ARE NOT BUILDING YOU. It is a huge God-like trait. Love, Mom

Expectations and Regrets

Expectations and regrets.
What type of expectations and regrets do we hold for
ourselves and for others? We expect
ourselves to do certain things. We
expect to be productive. We have the
survival instinct inside of us to meet those expectations.

What does Heavenly Father expect? He expects us to learn who He is so we can
become like Him and become one with Him to live with Him again. All the other things -- commandments,
obedience, studying, is all vehicles and means to get to that one particular
place. We use terminology such as
"one heart", "be as one", "learn His will". But in reality, it is just to KNOW Him. Pngnosis, not Epignosis.

So, other people have expectations for us too. If we live in a world where we are
"people pleasers" trying to please those we love, is that wrong? No --.
(look at what charity really is).
HOWEVER -- it can become wrong when we are only striving to please those
we love, and not THROUGH KNOWING THE GOD first and having that as a first
priority, or vehicle with which to love others.
NOW -- pleasing others is also wrong in the sense that the other person
may have needs that need to be met that are not in accordance with God's
will. Example: We have someone we love who is terminally
ill. We do everything we can to combat
it, but God's will is for that person to die.
(this is an extreme example).
Also -- people have unrighteous expectations. And people have selfish expectations. So trying to fulfill their expectations for
us can be detrimental. It can hurt us on
one level because it can make the person trying to fulfill that expectation not
feel good enough. (see hugging a
porcupine). We can also get so wrapped
up in fulfilling people's expectations around us that it excludes us from
actually focusing on God's will for us, and from KNOWING Him. Then it becomes a stumbling block.

We have to find a balance from which we have our
expectations for ourselves, expectations towards others, and expectations from
God all flow in harmony. And also, we
MUST look at what we expect from other people to ourselves. If we are feeling they are not meeting our
expectations, then we can become hurt,
judgmental, bitter, angry, sad, and feel unfulfilled. It also can cause - big time - feelings of
unworthiness. We are not worth the
effort. This can also stem from our
relationships with Heavenly Father. But
that is if we are not in harmony with the spirit and not understanding what He
wants from us.

The mother figure plays a huge role in all of this. Thus the whole Fruedian concept. Blame everything wrong with us on the
mother. There is truth there, but at
what point do we stand up and become our own person responsible for our own
actions and decisions? I believe there
is no set age, but there is a maturity level that must be reached. But, having said that, there will ALWAYS be
that influence that a mother (family too) has on a persons psyche. It cannot be helped. Just adjusted and moved into a better
understanding, but always a part of us.

So, having said all of this about expectations, this
leads to the next thoughts of REGRET.
Having lived most of my life (from teenager) with trying to live my life
with "No Regrets", I have dwelt in a happy place feeling like I have
done the best I could (OK there were foul-ups and mistakes) without having
regrets. And then when I did have
regrets, I owned them. (Important point
there - owning them and not passing them off to others.) But, as we live life, we start to see as we
get older the fruits of our deicsions and choices and ways of living and being,
and I have realized that there are regrets.
I think when there are choices to be made in this life, that it is where
regret can lie that we did not choose one of the choices. Especially when it is between good
choices. Now, I get the good, better,
best vconcept. I get that, but in order
to KNOW which one was the best, we absolutely have to understand Gods will or
His expectations for us! That is how
they are connected!!! Now, there are
always lesser choices in life that God does not have to command us in. And we make our choices depending on a
variety of different things. It may be
out of necessity. It may be out of
emotions. It may be out of expectations
of someone else, or even ourselves. So
-- the question is this: Where do we
make our choices in life that will cause the least regret? Which expectation do we follow that will
cause us the least regret? That is my
eternal question in life right now. I have failed and hurt others because of
their expectations of me when I have pursued my own expectations. If others are hurt, then how can that be a
good choice? Especially when I regret so
deeply? Then where do I draw the line in
how to fulfill expectations for myself, others, and God? Is it just different every time? If someone is hurt, than have I done
something wrong? I know living by the
spirit should guide us and direct us in making those choices. I believe that. But that does not always work. And where does it come in that if someone has
an expectation that goes against mine or God's and they get hurt? How does that all work? Because then regret sets in. Because I learned (from my mother) to be a
people pleaser to keep the peace.
Because of the guilt trips placed on me.
And now I have placed them on my children.

So -- guilt trips.
Let's explore those for a moment.
In the Christian world, we are taught that we must have remorse so that
we can repent and have a change of heart.
That change of heart is necessary to focus on what God's will is for us
-- (going back to Knowing Him.) It is a
necessity. But we use it on all kinds of
levels. We use it to control
others. We use it to justify doing wrong
things sometimes. (If I feel guilty,
then that can be enough and I don't have to totally change because I felt
guilty and that is enough right?) But we
must have that desire, or attribute of remorse (aka as regret or guilt) in
order to have that change of heart. But
we cannot dwell there. That much I
know. We have to own it, accept it,
learn from it, and then become better for it.
It MUST be a stepping stone. It
MUST be a ladder on the rung that we use to build up our knowledge of what is
right and wrong. Now - knowing that, we
must also realize that we will oftentime relearn a certain concept again and
again and again. It is a weakness in
us. But, if we are smart and wise, we will
learn from it each time. We can take it
and explore all the dimensions of it as we break ourselves on it, so we can
break that piece of it off until it is dissolved. Or better yet, it has turned from that
"block" into a "step" we can step on to reach higher
heights.

God puts stumbling blocks in our way, but I don't think
He actually does, as much as they are built inside of us and we have to be
shown are weaknesses. What can happen is
that we are placed into situations that show us our weaknesses. If we know our weaknesses, then we have to
reach out to God to KNOW GOD's will so that we can overcome them and become One
With Him. Another tool used to become
One With Him.

There are 15 pictures of Camie on here. More if you want to look.