Expectations and Regrets

Expectations and regrets.
What type of expectations and regrets do we hold for
ourselves and for others? We expect
ourselves to do certain things. We
expect to be productive. We have the
survival instinct inside of us to meet those expectations.

What does Heavenly Father expect? He expects us to learn who He is so we can
become like Him and become one with Him to live with Him again. All the other things -- commandments,
obedience, studying, is all vehicles and means to get to that one particular
place. We use terminology such as
"one heart", "be as one", "learn His will". But in reality, it is just to KNOW Him. Pngnosis, not Epignosis.

So, other people have expectations for us too. If we live in a world where we are
"people pleasers" trying to please those we love, is that wrong? No --.
(look at what charity really is).
HOWEVER -- it can become wrong when we are only striving to please those
we love, and not THROUGH KNOWING THE GOD first and having that as a first
priority, or vehicle with which to love others.
NOW -- pleasing others is also wrong in the sense that the other person
may have needs that need to be met that are not in accordance with God's
will. Example: We have someone we love who is terminally
ill. We do everything we can to combat
it, but God's will is for that person to die.
(this is an extreme example).
Also -- people have unrighteous expectations. And people have selfish expectations. So trying to fulfill their expectations for
us can be detrimental. It can hurt us on
one level because it can make the person trying to fulfill that expectation not
feel good enough. (see hugging a
porcupine). We can also get so wrapped
up in fulfilling people's expectations around us that it excludes us from
actually focusing on God's will for us, and from KNOWING Him. Then it becomes a stumbling block.

We have to find a balance from which we have our
expectations for ourselves, expectations towards others, and expectations from
God all flow in harmony. And also, we
MUST look at what we expect from other people to ourselves. If we are feeling they are not meeting our
expectations, then we can become hurt,
judgmental, bitter, angry, sad, and feel unfulfilled. It also can cause - big time - feelings of
unworthiness. We are not worth the
effort. This can also stem from our
relationships with Heavenly Father. But
that is if we are not in harmony with the spirit and not understanding what He
wants from us.

The mother figure plays a huge role in all of this. Thus the whole Fruedian concept. Blame everything wrong with us on the
mother. There is truth there, but at
what point do we stand up and become our own person responsible for our own
actions and decisions? I believe there
is no set age, but there is a maturity level that must be reached. But, having said that, there will ALWAYS be
that influence that a mother (family too) has on a persons psyche. It cannot be helped. Just adjusted and moved into a better
understanding, but always a part of us.

So, having said all of this about expectations, this
leads to the next thoughts of REGRET.
Having lived most of my life (from teenager) with trying to live my life
with "No Regrets", I have dwelt in a happy place feeling like I have
done the best I could (OK there were foul-ups and mistakes) without having
regrets. And then when I did have
regrets, I owned them. (Important point
there - owning them and not passing them off to others.) But, as we live life, we start to see as we
get older the fruits of our deicsions and choices and ways of living and being,
and I have realized that there are regrets.
I think when there are choices to be made in this life, that it is where
regret can lie that we did not choose one of the choices. Especially when it is between good
choices. Now, I get the good, better,
best vconcept. I get that, but in order
to KNOW which one was the best, we absolutely have to understand Gods will or
His expectations for us! That is how
they are connected!!! Now, there are
always lesser choices in life that God does not have to command us in. And we make our choices depending on a
variety of different things. It may be
out of necessity. It may be out of
emotions. It may be out of expectations
of someone else, or even ourselves. So
-- the question is this: Where do we
make our choices in life that will cause the least regret? Which expectation do we follow that will
cause us the least regret? That is my
eternal question in life right now. I have failed and hurt others because of
their expectations of me when I have pursued my own expectations. If others are hurt, then how can that be a
good choice? Especially when I regret so
deeply? Then where do I draw the line in
how to fulfill expectations for myself, others, and God? Is it just different every time? If someone is hurt, than have I done
something wrong? I know living by the
spirit should guide us and direct us in making those choices. I believe that. But that does not always work. And where does it come in that if someone has
an expectation that goes against mine or God's and they get hurt? How does that all work? Because then regret sets in. Because I learned (from my mother) to be a
people pleaser to keep the peace.
Because of the guilt trips placed on me.
And now I have placed them on my children.

So -- guilt trips.
Let's explore those for a moment.
In the Christian world, we are taught that we must have remorse so that
we can repent and have a change of heart.
That change of heart is necessary to focus on what God's will is for us
-- (going back to Knowing Him.) It is a
necessity. But we use it on all kinds of
levels. We use it to control
others. We use it to justify doing wrong
things sometimes. (If I feel guilty,
then that can be enough and I don't have to totally change because I felt
guilty and that is enough right?) But we
must have that desire, or attribute of remorse (aka as regret or guilt) in
order to have that change of heart. But
we cannot dwell there. That much I
know. We have to own it, accept it,
learn from it, and then become better for it.
It MUST be a stepping stone. It
MUST be a ladder on the rung that we use to build up our knowledge of what is
right and wrong. Now - knowing that, we
must also realize that we will oftentime relearn a certain concept again and
again and again. It is a weakness in
us. But, if we are smart and wise, we will
learn from it each time. We can take it
and explore all the dimensions of it as we break ourselves on it, so we can
break that piece of it off until it is dissolved. Or better yet, it has turned from that
"block" into a "step" we can step on to reach higher
heights.

God puts stumbling blocks in our way, but I don't think
He actually does, as much as they are built inside of us and we have to be
shown are weaknesses. What can happen is
that we are placed into situations that show us our weaknesses. If we know our weaknesses, then we have to
reach out to God to KNOW GOD's will so that we can overcome them and become One
With Him. Another tool used to become
One With Him.